dilemma

I don't mind when people make fun of me for being a quiet person. Really. I know they do it because they like me, not to be mean. What does bother me, though, is the fact that it's true. I am a quiet person and I frequently wish I were more outgoing. Practically all of my friends are outgoing in some form or fashion and it bothers me that I'm so introverted when I would prefer to be more of a people person. Some people would say to me, "so become more outgoing!" What they don't realize, though, is that it's not just that easy. I know a few people who have pushed themselves to become extraverts and trust me when I say that it did not work well at all. You know those people who talk wayyyy too much about things of no interest at all to anyone besides themselves and have no sense of personal space? Those people who think they're popular and liked and pretty but actually aren't? Those people that some people detest and some laugh at and some feel sorry for and wince inside when they do something (again) to embarrass themselves? Yea, that would be the type of people those forced extraverts turned into. And I know that I personally would rather be awkwardly quiet and not talk much than be awkwardly loud and embarrassing and turn off everyone. The funny thing is, though, that when I'm with someone I truly love and trust, I let myself go. I am secure in the knowledge that even if I say something stupid or make a fool of myself, their friendship will not change. I have said and done the most ridiculous things in front of my friend Grace and she loves me just the same. :) It's strange to me that I can't be just a little more outgoing with people whose friendship is not quite as important to me as Grace's.