So there's a person in my life...well, there are quite a few, but one in particular...who has been making me think a lot lately. I've grown up following a neverending list of rules because my parents required it and because I thought it glorified God. I don't regret it because following those rules has kept me safe and innocent on a lot of things I really don't want to know about or experience. But the one thing I do regret is that basing my life and my Christianity around all those rules has made me lose my passion and excitement for a life with Christ and instead see God as someone who is only pleased with those who are following the rules.
It seems like everywhere I turn in the Bible lately some variation of "obedience is better than sacrifice" shows up. Do you think God is trying to tell me something? I do. What I hear when I read those kinds of verses is that God is more pleased with those who truly love him and are trying to become more like him, even if they mess up, than those who follow the letter of the law and even make up some rules of their own, just to make sure they're doing the right thing. The Israelites would go to the temple and sacrifice the required amount and type of animal, following exactly what God told them, and then go out and live like he didn't exist until their next temple visit. To them prophets repeated over and over, "Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the voice of the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice..." The Pharisees were so obsessed with the laws of God that they invented more and more laws, and told the Jews that if they didn't follow them, they would be unclean. In fact, they were so completely into their own laws, that they told Jesus, the God who created them and the original rules, that he was unclean and a law-breaker. I can see Jesus having problems keeping a straight face.
Anyway, I have friends who don't necessarily follow all the rules my parents think of as requirements for a life of godliness, but I know absolutely that they are trying their hardest to become more like Christ and glorify him with their lives. I feel like I've always been kind of opposite. I follow every rule, Sunday school teachers and mothers love me, but is my faith my own? Or is my religion my rules and my rigid lifestyle? I want to do things for Jesus because I can't help myself but love him when I think about how awe-inspiring and powerful he is, and how much he loves me, and what he did for me by dying so I could have eternal life. Something I'm thinking more about now is thinking about the things I do and say not in terms of "am I allowed to do this?" but rather "would this glorify God?"
And then at Two Four we've been talking about being a follower rather than a fan. A fan was defined as being someone who is enthusiastic about someone or something but it doesn't really affect their life. I want to be excited about Christ, but I want him to affect my life so much that you can't look at me without seeing Jesus. I don't want to be excited about my faith for a couple years and then have the flame die down until I'm one of those people who goes to church every Sunday and has a doormat that says, "As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord," but doesn't really impact their world for God.
To obey is better than sacrifice...
Friday, April 30, 2010
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
so much to say
I had so much to say. Now I can't remember it. For some reason thoughts entangle my mind and beg to be unraveled on paper at the most inconvenient times. Like as I turn out the light to go to bed. Or when I'm riding in the car on the way back from Florida and have no computer or pen and paper. Or at 2 a.m. And the words come perfectly only when I'm at the point of exhaustion and it's all I can do to keep my eyes open when my bed is calling my name.
I know God taught me a lot this past weekend...past week? But for the life of me I cannot remember the specifics. All I remember is drinking coffee with good friends at 3 a.m. and laughing so hard I can't believe we didn't wake anyone else up. All I remember is dancing till my feet hurt and I had to take off my high heels, driving in the rain and eating raw cookie dough. All I remember is buying $3 shirts, making plans for the summer and holding a brand new puppy. All I remember is playing the piano, the feel of people's hands, innumerable hugs and too many goodbyes. That was my weekend.
And something Lauren said. It was late, we were lying in bed and the house was quiet. We were talking about how we wished we lived nearer to each other, and she said something about how in heaven she thinks we'll all live down the road from one another. Can you imagine how amazing heaven will be? I can't, but I like to pretend I can.
I really feel like God spoils me. Not at all in a bad way though. But he gives me everything I need to live and then he gives me way more! Friends and family and an amazing summer trip to Europe and on top of that, something I never expected. I get to go to Greece! My youth group is going to Greece on a mission trip this summer, and I wanted to go from the first moment I heard about it. But then my parents told me we were going to Europe, so I of course assumed Greece was out of the question. People sent me fundraiser letters, the deadlines passed, and plane tickets were bought. I thought even if I wanted to go to Greece, it wasn't possible. But I still felt like God was calling me to go to Greece. This really is a once in a lifetime opportunity to go to Greece at a time when most of my friends are also going and in the summer right before I leave home for college. And then I had a thought...what if I flew to Greece from England? Bought my own plane tickets separately, paid the price for the trip minus airfare and met the group there? So I looked into it. I asked my youth pastor, he checked with the IWC office, talked for hours with my parents, and every door opened wide. I can't believe God is letting me do this...that he wants me to do this! I thought England, France, Austria, Germany, Switzerland and Italy were more than enough. Now God is guiding me to Greece as well? He is so amazing! I don't deserve any of this! And one of the awesome things he did was he allowed my parents' hearts to be wide open to the possibility. Not once did my mom say anything about not wanting me to fly by myself across the continent, switch planes and deal with layovers, luggage, and meeting up with the group. Not once did my dad say, "You're already going to six other European countries. Now you want to go to Greece too?" No. They looked into flights with me and were excited about the possibility of going on a mission trip that could be more serious and more life-changing than the two I've gone on before that were closer to home. And I seriously cannot wait to see what God is going to do through me and everyone else who's going!
I know God taught me a lot this past weekend...past week? But for the life of me I cannot remember the specifics. All I remember is drinking coffee with good friends at 3 a.m. and laughing so hard I can't believe we didn't wake anyone else up. All I remember is dancing till my feet hurt and I had to take off my high heels, driving in the rain and eating raw cookie dough. All I remember is buying $3 shirts, making plans for the summer and holding a brand new puppy. All I remember is playing the piano, the feel of people's hands, innumerable hugs and too many goodbyes. That was my weekend.
And something Lauren said. It was late, we were lying in bed and the house was quiet. We were talking about how we wished we lived nearer to each other, and she said something about how in heaven she thinks we'll all live down the road from one another. Can you imagine how amazing heaven will be? I can't, but I like to pretend I can.
I really feel like God spoils me. Not at all in a bad way though. But he gives me everything I need to live and then he gives me way more! Friends and family and an amazing summer trip to Europe and on top of that, something I never expected. I get to go to Greece! My youth group is going to Greece on a mission trip this summer, and I wanted to go from the first moment I heard about it. But then my parents told me we were going to Europe, so I of course assumed Greece was out of the question. People sent me fundraiser letters, the deadlines passed, and plane tickets were bought. I thought even if I wanted to go to Greece, it wasn't possible. But I still felt like God was calling me to go to Greece. This really is a once in a lifetime opportunity to go to Greece at a time when most of my friends are also going and in the summer right before I leave home for college. And then I had a thought...what if I flew to Greece from England? Bought my own plane tickets separately, paid the price for the trip minus airfare and met the group there? So I looked into it. I asked my youth pastor, he checked with the IWC office, talked for hours with my parents, and every door opened wide. I can't believe God is letting me do this...that he wants me to do this! I thought England, France, Austria, Germany, Switzerland and Italy were more than enough. Now God is guiding me to Greece as well? He is so amazing! I don't deserve any of this! And one of the awesome things he did was he allowed my parents' hearts to be wide open to the possibility. Not once did my mom say anything about not wanting me to fly by myself across the continent, switch planes and deal with layovers, luggage, and meeting up with the group. Not once did my dad say, "You're already going to six other European countries. Now you want to go to Greece too?" No. They looked into flights with me and were excited about the possibility of going on a mission trip that could be more serious and more life-changing than the two I've gone on before that were closer to home. And I seriously cannot wait to see what God is going to do through me and everyone else who's going!
Sunday, April 18, 2010
uncertainty
I really have no idea what I want to do with my life.
People keep asking me, and I don't have an answer to give them. That frustrates me more than I can say. Not necessarily because their "Oh." sounds kind of like they're saying, "Oh, loser, you're going to UNC-CH to get a degree in nothing?" but more because it frustrates me to know that my future is still oh-so-uncertain. And I hate uncertainty.
Until less than a year ago, I thought I had it all planned out. Editing and writing. That was my career choice, and had been since I was about 8 years old. Then I interned at a book publishing company, and though it was an incredible life experience, God definitely used that to say, "No, Lauren, you're not supposed to do that." Since then I've thought about doing lyric writing...then one day I was telling a friend I was interested in that and I just thought, "Really? No." I'm interested in it, but is God calling me to that? I don't think so. I've thought about photography, but I don't know if God has really gifted me in that. Something I've been thinking about the past couple months is majoring in psychology or something at Chapel Hill and then going to Southeastern to get my Master's in counseling. That would be a super-cool job because I love Jesus and I love people and helping people through rough spots in their lives with Jesus is something I would definitely glorify God with. I feel like exploring that more. I also feel like if I say anything like, "Oh, I might want to do that..." then later on I'll come back and think, "Why did I ever say I wanted to do that?" especially as I tend to change my mind. A lot. And then I'll make my decision finally and it'll be good. But it takes a lot of mind-changing and perusing and tears before I ever get to that point.
I know I'm not interested in anything math or science related. I like more artistic or English-y type things. Especially ones that allow you to relate with other people. So photography, writing, music, counseling...they're all kind of together. I know the area I will eventually go into, just not anything specific. Like, at all specific.
Ugh. I hate that I can't know the future. If I could, I'd fast-forward ten years and see what I'd be doing, and prepare for it! What job will I have? Where will I live? Will I be married? With kids? What will my husband do? Who will my friends be? If I knew these things, my life would be so much easier. But then again, nothing would ever be a surprise. And most of the time I like surprises.
I guess it's not a big rush to figure out my career path/major choice. I have until the end of sophomore year = 2 whole years. And maybe this whole Europe trip thing will be something that will help me figure myself out. My prayer for now is that God will show me what I need to know at the time that I need to know it.
People keep asking me, and I don't have an answer to give them. That frustrates me more than I can say. Not necessarily because their "Oh." sounds kind of like they're saying, "Oh, loser, you're going to UNC-CH to get a degree in nothing?" but more because it frustrates me to know that my future is still oh-so-uncertain. And I hate uncertainty.
Until less than a year ago, I thought I had it all planned out. Editing and writing. That was my career choice, and had been since I was about 8 years old. Then I interned at a book publishing company, and though it was an incredible life experience, God definitely used that to say, "No, Lauren, you're not supposed to do that." Since then I've thought about doing lyric writing...then one day I was telling a friend I was interested in that and I just thought, "Really? No." I'm interested in it, but is God calling me to that? I don't think so. I've thought about photography, but I don't know if God has really gifted me in that. Something I've been thinking about the past couple months is majoring in psychology or something at Chapel Hill and then going to Southeastern to get my Master's in counseling. That would be a super-cool job because I love Jesus and I love people and helping people through rough spots in their lives with Jesus is something I would definitely glorify God with. I feel like exploring that more. I also feel like if I say anything like, "Oh, I might want to do that..." then later on I'll come back and think, "Why did I ever say I wanted to do that?" especially as I tend to change my mind. A lot. And then I'll make my decision finally and it'll be good. But it takes a lot of mind-changing and perusing and tears before I ever get to that point.
I know I'm not interested in anything math or science related. I like more artistic or English-y type things. Especially ones that allow you to relate with other people. So photography, writing, music, counseling...they're all kind of together. I know the area I will eventually go into, just not anything specific. Like, at all specific.
Ugh. I hate that I can't know the future. If I could, I'd fast-forward ten years and see what I'd be doing, and prepare for it! What job will I have? Where will I live? Will I be married? With kids? What will my husband do? Who will my friends be? If I knew these things, my life would be so much easier. But then again, nothing would ever be a surprise. And most of the time I like surprises.
I guess it's not a big rush to figure out my career path/major choice. I have until the end of sophomore year = 2 whole years. And maybe this whole Europe trip thing will be something that will help me figure myself out. My prayer for now is that God will show me what I need to know at the time that I need to know it.
Thursday, April 15, 2010
just breathe
Life is moving so fast. I blink and another day is gone. Gone, never to return to me.
When you're looking forward to something, you want it to come now, now, now! While it's happening, you wish time could just slow down. But like that, it's over. Now all you have is memories. And those stay with you forever. I have so many things coming up that I know will be memories I'll cherish, and I want to be able to embrace those opportunities with open arms. I want to be one of those old people who have the best stories, the ones who hand out wise advice with their fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies. The ones who don't have regrets. The ones who lived their lives for God and with abandon (i really like that phrase) and have taught their children, and their children's children to do the same. The ones who have made an impact on their worlds for the gospel. So, I want to live like that right now. I want to "make the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil."
I don't know what's down the road for me. I have my plans - my travels, my friends, my college, and so much more. But really, all that could change in a heartbeat. And honestly? Things won't go as I've planned. I know God well enough to know that he can...and will...move my life around until it's as he wants it. So for now I just breathe, knowing that with every breath, God gives me a chance to do something for him. And words cannot explain this deep, all-consuming devotion I have towards my God. He gave me life twice and continues to give it even after I stop breathing. He loves me in a way I'll never understand, and all I can do is try to love him in my weak and human way. Giving him my life was never a choice, it was the only option I've ever had. When I say, "I love Jesus," I realize that words are completely in vain as nothing can describe him and what I try to offer him. But, oh yes, I love my Jesus.
When you're looking forward to something, you want it to come now, now, now! While it's happening, you wish time could just slow down. But like that, it's over. Now all you have is memories. And those stay with you forever. I have so many things coming up that I know will be memories I'll cherish, and I want to be able to embrace those opportunities with open arms. I want to be one of those old people who have the best stories, the ones who hand out wise advice with their fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies. The ones who don't have regrets. The ones who lived their lives for God and with abandon (i really like that phrase) and have taught their children, and their children's children to do the same. The ones who have made an impact on their worlds for the gospel. So, I want to live like that right now. I want to "make the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil."
I don't know what's down the road for me. I have my plans - my travels, my friends, my college, and so much more. But really, all that could change in a heartbeat. And honestly? Things won't go as I've planned. I know God well enough to know that he can...and will...move my life around until it's as he wants it. So for now I just breathe, knowing that with every breath, God gives me a chance to do something for him. And words cannot explain this deep, all-consuming devotion I have towards my God. He gave me life twice and continues to give it even after I stop breathing. He loves me in a way I'll never understand, and all I can do is try to love him in my weak and human way. Giving him my life was never a choice, it was the only option I've ever had. When I say, "I love Jesus," I realize that words are completely in vain as nothing can describe him and what I try to offer him. But, oh yes, I love my Jesus.
hypocrisy
I saw that a friend of mine has been getting a bunch of nasty questions/accusations on her formspring account, and it made me mad. This unknown person hid behind the walls of anonymity to shoot mean comments at a girl he or she didn't even know. From the way they wrote, they sounded like a girl about early highschool age, probably from our church. I really want to know why this person thought they could judge someone so harshly when I can guarantee you that they're nowhere near perfect. True, God wants us to be pure and holy. However, this does not justify the kind of caustic, biting remarks this person made about my friend, even if she had been messing up. For the record, I really respect my friend because she is more of a light for Jesus than a lot of people I know who follow a long list of rules under the impression that it makes other people able to see Christ in them. In fact, if this person really knew her at all, they would not be asking such questions because they would know that she loves Jesus more than anything else.
As a disclaimer for what I'm about to say, yes, I love the family of God and I'm very inspired and humbled by a lot of my fellow Christians. But...I hate the hypocrisy in the church. Not just RCCC, but the body of Christ as a whole. In America, that's what Christians are known for. And I hate it. The lies, the masks, the hidden deeds, the backstabbing, the total fakeness of some people. And they do it in the name of Christ. How can they? How can this person judge my friend when they are most likely less honoring to God with their life than my friend is? How can we allow Christ's name to be so dirtied in the minds of Americans? I think hypocrisy is the worst problem Christians deal with. And most don't even care.
As a disclaimer for what I'm about to say, yes, I love the family of God and I'm very inspired and humbled by a lot of my fellow Christians. But...I hate the hypocrisy in the church. Not just RCCC, but the body of Christ as a whole. In America, that's what Christians are known for. And I hate it. The lies, the masks, the hidden deeds, the backstabbing, the total fakeness of some people. And they do it in the name of Christ. How can they? How can this person judge my friend when they are most likely less honoring to God with their life than my friend is? How can we allow Christ's name to be so dirtied in the minds of Americans? I think hypocrisy is the worst problem Christians deal with. And most don't even care.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
in all i do, i honor you
Recently I've been thinking about my lifestyle being one of worship, and how that applies to the media I hear, watch, and read. I don't think it's necessary to listen to only Christian music, only watch movies with a Christian message and only read Christian books, but I do think that the messages portrayed should be good and uplifting. What triggered these thoughts was something that happened to me. Some friends and I went to the beach, and on the way home, we were listening to my iPod. I wasn't choosing the songs we were listening to, someone else was. But then they started playing a song that was definitely less clean than those I normally listen to. In fact, I don't think I'd ever really listened to that song on my iPod before. The only reason I had it on my iPod was because I'd gotten it for free from iTunes awhile ago. But nevertheless, it was on my iPod. And I was kind of...ashamed, I guess, to be associated with a song like that. If Jesus had been sitting in that car, that song would never have been played. So, I did a purge of my iTunes library. Actually, that's too strong of a word. That really was the only song on my iPod that I wouldn't listen to with Jesus there. But I went and deleted it and looked through all of my music to make sure it was all honoring to God.
I know a lot of Christians who listen to and love the song I just deleted from my iPod. It's a popular song, and it's really catchy. But the words are praising a lifestyle I would never live, and the girl who sings it is, frankly, kind of odd in an immoral way. And I know a lot of people wouldn't struggle at all listening to songs like that. I don't struggle, actually. But I feel that I would want God to be able to scroll through my list of songs and be pleased. Also, I want my life to be consistent for others - both my fellow Christians and those who don't know Jesus - to see.
You might read this and think, "wow, deleting one song? big deal." But to me, it is a big deal, because what I'm dealing with is my attitude towards Christ and my reputation with others, as I'm representing Jesus.
I know a lot of Christians who listen to and love the song I just deleted from my iPod. It's a popular song, and it's really catchy. But the words are praising a lifestyle I would never live, and the girl who sings it is, frankly, kind of odd in an immoral way. And I know a lot of people wouldn't struggle at all listening to songs like that. I don't struggle, actually. But I feel that I would want God to be able to scroll through my list of songs and be pleased. Also, I want my life to be consistent for others - both my fellow Christians and those who don't know Jesus - to see.
You might read this and think, "wow, deleting one song? big deal." But to me, it is a big deal, because what I'm dealing with is my attitude towards Christ and my reputation with others, as I'm representing Jesus.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
roller coaster ride
My life is ridiculous. It seems like just two weeks ago, my life was not at all like it is right now. One week ago, things were different. And just three days ago, I had no idea what I was going to do about parts of my life. And now I do.
So, after hitting a low, the roller coaster of my life is heading straight towards the sky.
I felt like I didn't know who my real friends were, if I even had any at all. Now? God's definitely making that clear. He's also giving me opportunities to get to know old friends better and make new friends with awesome people.
I felt like I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life...as in career choice and college major. Now? I still don't know, but I'm okay with being uncertain and trusting God to bring it to me at the right time.
I felt like my future was so uncertain. I had no idea which college I was going to, where I would live, which car I would drive...so many things, but those were the main ones. Now? I'm going to UNC Chapel Hill. I am absolutely convinced that's where God wants me. For now, at least. Today I went and visited a housing option that seems pretty much perfect for me. And the car situation? Wow. I never in a million years would have imagined the solution God came up with. But that's why He's God, and I'm not. Juuuust saying. :)
It's so weird how God has changed my heart completely this year. For example, the apartment complex/dorm/I don't know what to call it that I visited today? In November...ish I got some kind of a postcard advertising it and threw it in the garbage can, thinking that I wanted to live on-campus and that definitely wasn't an option. I'll bet God was laughing. Do you think God laughs at us sometimes? I do. I think to him we're almost like cute little kids who don't know exactly what to do and sometimes will unwittingly say or do things that older, wiser people know to be wrong but are so adorable they can't help but laugh.
And now I'm smiling because I asked God around two weeks ago to show himself to me. Not really to prove to me that he's real, because I knew that already. But to show me that he's there and he cares about me and loves me and works in my life. And I can't think of any other way he could show himself to me than what he already did.
In other news, I got a twitter the other day! @lekostenberger. I really like it so far. This weekend, if her baby sister doesn't get everyone sick, one of my best friends ever is coming down with her family to spend the weekend with me! Her big brother and his fiancee are also staying with us one night because he is going to be a student at SEBTS in the fall, which is really exciting. I'm hanging out with a few different people both this week and next. I have prom in Florida in a few weeks. And those are just a few things I'm excited about. :)
And I forgot to write about what happened to me like two-ish weeks ago...which was that I lost my car keys Sunday afternoon. I was really freaking out about it because I looked in every possible place about fifteen times and they just weren't there. My friend Hannah, who I was with, walked around with me for like half an hour in the rain looking for them and then drove me to the church and let me borrow her phone to call my parents like 5 times when they didn't answer their phones the first 4 times. I have no idea what I would've done if it weren't for her. I guess losing the keys really wasn't a big deal because it would be easy to replace them, but I hate hate hate losing things and feeling irresponsible. Anyway, that Wednesday morning my dad called me from his work and told me that someone from Wake Forest Baptist Church had found them and turned them in to the church office. At that point I had pretty much given up because if I hadn't found them three days after I'd lost them, and no one had turned them in to the police, the likelihood of anyone finding them or turning them in was practically zero. But someone had! Thank you Jesus for that person. What I kept thinking the whole time I was searching and praying and checking with different places was that God knew exactly where my keys were. If someone had picked them up, if they had fallen in a crack, if I had them still but didn't know where...God could see them at that moment. Wow. This is the God I worship.
All of that to say - my life is completely in God's hands right now and it's never been better. I don't know if these trials I've been going through have gotten easier all of a sudden or if I've learned to deal with them better and learn for the future. I think I'm understanding God a little better every day now, and I think that's kind of what heaven is going to be like. Learning something new about God every single day, and yet it never ends. Never. Because there's always something new and incredible to learn about God. So what I'm going through now is kind of a warped and broken heaven on earth. It doesn't make a lot of sense...but then, God doesn't make a lot of sense to most people either.
Right now I'm feeling super thankful for all the incredible people God has put in my life. How do I deserve to know all these people who love Jesus so ridiculously much?
I'm writing too much. I do that. Buttt I love it.
So, after hitting a low, the roller coaster of my life is heading straight towards the sky.
I felt like I didn't know who my real friends were, if I even had any at all. Now? God's definitely making that clear. He's also giving me opportunities to get to know old friends better and make new friends with awesome people.
I felt like I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life...as in career choice and college major. Now? I still don't know, but I'm okay with being uncertain and trusting God to bring it to me at the right time.
I felt like my future was so uncertain. I had no idea which college I was going to, where I would live, which car I would drive...so many things, but those were the main ones. Now? I'm going to UNC Chapel Hill. I am absolutely convinced that's where God wants me. For now, at least. Today I went and visited a housing option that seems pretty much perfect for me. And the car situation? Wow. I never in a million years would have imagined the solution God came up with. But that's why He's God, and I'm not. Juuuust saying. :)
It's so weird how God has changed my heart completely this year. For example, the apartment complex/dorm/I don't know what to call it that I visited today? In November...ish I got some kind of a postcard advertising it and threw it in the garbage can, thinking that I wanted to live on-campus and that definitely wasn't an option. I'll bet God was laughing. Do you think God laughs at us sometimes? I do. I think to him we're almost like cute little kids who don't know exactly what to do and sometimes will unwittingly say or do things that older, wiser people know to be wrong but are so adorable they can't help but laugh.
And now I'm smiling because I asked God around two weeks ago to show himself to me. Not really to prove to me that he's real, because I knew that already. But to show me that he's there and he cares about me and loves me and works in my life. And I can't think of any other way he could show himself to me than what he already did.
In other news, I got a twitter the other day! @lekostenberger. I really like it so far. This weekend, if her baby sister doesn't get everyone sick, one of my best friends ever is coming down with her family to spend the weekend with me! Her big brother and his fiancee are also staying with us one night because he is going to be a student at SEBTS in the fall, which is really exciting. I'm hanging out with a few different people both this week and next. I have prom in Florida in a few weeks. And those are just a few things I'm excited about. :)
And I forgot to write about what happened to me like two-ish weeks ago...which was that I lost my car keys Sunday afternoon. I was really freaking out about it because I looked in every possible place about fifteen times and they just weren't there. My friend Hannah, who I was with, walked around with me for like half an hour in the rain looking for them and then drove me to the church and let me borrow her phone to call my parents like 5 times when they didn't answer their phones the first 4 times. I have no idea what I would've done if it weren't for her. I guess losing the keys really wasn't a big deal because it would be easy to replace them, but I hate hate hate losing things and feeling irresponsible. Anyway, that Wednesday morning my dad called me from his work and told me that someone from Wake Forest Baptist Church had found them and turned them in to the church office. At that point I had pretty much given up because if I hadn't found them three days after I'd lost them, and no one had turned them in to the police, the likelihood of anyone finding them or turning them in was practically zero. But someone had! Thank you Jesus for that person. What I kept thinking the whole time I was searching and praying and checking with different places was that God knew exactly where my keys were. If someone had picked them up, if they had fallen in a crack, if I had them still but didn't know where...God could see them at that moment. Wow. This is the God I worship.
All of that to say - my life is completely in God's hands right now and it's never been better. I don't know if these trials I've been going through have gotten easier all of a sudden or if I've learned to deal with them better and learn for the future. I think I'm understanding God a little better every day now, and I think that's kind of what heaven is going to be like. Learning something new about God every single day, and yet it never ends. Never. Because there's always something new and incredible to learn about God. So what I'm going through now is kind of a warped and broken heaven on earth. It doesn't make a lot of sense...but then, God doesn't make a lot of sense to most people either.
Right now I'm feeling super thankful for all the incredible people God has put in my life. How do I deserve to know all these people who love Jesus so ridiculously much?
I'm writing too much. I do that. Buttt I love it.
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