roller coaster ride

My life is ridiculous. It seems like just two weeks ago, my life was not at all like it is right now. One week ago, things were different. And just three days ago, I had no idea what I was going to do about parts of my life. And now I do.

So, after hitting a low, the roller coaster of my life is heading straight towards the sky.

I felt like I didn't know who my real friends were, if I even had any at all. Now? God's definitely making that clear. He's also giving me opportunities to get to know old friends better and make new friends with awesome people.

I felt like I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life...as in career choice and college major. Now? I still don't know, but I'm okay with being uncertain and trusting God to bring it to me at the right time.

I felt like my future was so uncertain. I had no idea which college I was going to, where I would live, which car I would drive...so many things, but those were the main ones. Now? I'm going to UNC Chapel Hill. I am absolutely convinced that's where God wants me. For now, at least. Today I went and visited a housing option that seems pretty much perfect for me. And the car situation? Wow. I never in a million years would have imagined the solution God came up with. But that's why He's God, and I'm not. Juuuust saying. :)

It's so weird how God has changed my heart completely this year. For example, the apartment complex/dorm/I don't know what to call it that I visited today? In November...ish I got some kind of a postcard advertising it and threw it in the garbage can, thinking that I wanted to live on-campus and that definitely wasn't an option. I'll bet God was laughing. Do you think God laughs at us sometimes? I do. I think to him we're almost like cute little kids who don't know exactly what to do and sometimes will unwittingly say or do things that older, wiser people know to be wrong but are so adorable they can't help but laugh.

And now I'm smiling because I asked God around two weeks ago to show himself to me. Not really to prove to me that he's real, because I knew that already. But to show me that he's there and he cares about me and loves me and works in my life. And I can't think of any other way he could show himself to me than what he already did.

In other news, I got a twitter the other day! @lekostenberger. I really like it so far. This weekend, if her baby sister doesn't get everyone sick, one of my best friends ever is coming down with her family to spend the weekend with me! Her big brother and his fiancee are also staying with us one night because he is going to be a student at SEBTS in the fall, which is really exciting. I'm hanging out with a few different people both this week and next. I have prom in Florida in a few weeks. And those are just a few things I'm excited about. :)

And I forgot to write about what happened to me like two-ish weeks ago...which was that I lost my car keys Sunday afternoon. I was really freaking out about it because I looked in every possible place about fifteen times and they just weren't there. My friend Hannah, who I was with, walked around with me for like half an hour in the rain looking for them and then drove me to the church and let me borrow her phone to call my parents like 5 times when they didn't answer their phones the first 4 times. I have no idea what I would've done if it weren't for her. I guess losing the keys really wasn't a big deal because it would be easy to replace them, but I hate hate hate losing things and feeling irresponsible. Anyway, that Wednesday morning my dad called me from his work and told me that someone from Wake Forest Baptist Church had found them and turned them in to the church office. At that point I had pretty much given up because if I hadn't found them three days after I'd lost them, and no one had turned them in to the police, the likelihood of anyone finding them or turning them in was practically zero. But someone had! Thank you Jesus for that person. What I kept thinking the whole time I was searching and praying and checking with different places was that God knew exactly where my keys were. If someone had picked them up, if they had fallen in a crack, if I had them still but didn't know where...God could see them at that moment. Wow. This is the God I worship.

All of that to say - my life is completely in God's hands right now and it's never been better. I don't know if these trials I've been going through have gotten easier all of a sudden or if I've learned to deal with them better and learn for the future. I think I'm understanding God a little better every day now, and I think that's kind of what heaven is going to be like. Learning something new about God every single day, and yet it never ends. Never. Because there's always something new and incredible to learn about God. So what I'm going through now is kind of a warped and broken heaven on earth. It doesn't make a lot of sense...but then, God doesn't make a lot of sense to most people either.

Right now I'm feeling super thankful for all the incredible people God has put in my life. How do I deserve to know all these people who love Jesus so ridiculously much?

I'm writing too much. I do that. Buttt I love it.