anonymous notes

I admire you so much. You have no idea. When I first met you...when was that?...I don't think I was too impressed with you. You were nice, but you seemed average, and like you'd turn out to be like everyone else. But your deep love for God and your consistency in pursuing godliness was something I couldn't help but like about you. There aren't a lot of people in this world who care about their lives being pleasing to Christ. But you don't care that people think you're weird for centering your life around your faith. Your eyes are solely fixed on Christ, and you can't see anything else.

I feel like we could and should be better friends than we are. I like you a lot, but sometimes I wonder if you know it. Other times I wonder if you know but don't care. Something in me thinks we have a lot in common and could be the best friends ever. But who knows if you'll ever see the potential? I am really impressed that you, despite being beautiful and funny and outgoing and popular, honestly do have a deep and all-consuming love for Christ. You are not just outwardly beautiful. I love spending time with you because not only do you make me laugh, you make me think too. And when I've needed you, you've been there for me, if only in the little things I've asked of you. You have more of an influence on me than I think you know.

Wow, have we only known each other for a few months? It feels like as many years. From almost the very start, I let you in and I let myself go around you. You're the first person in years that I've immediately trusted. You don't realize how beautiful you are, but everyone else does. It's impossible to dislike you. Your impetous nature and contagious laugh make me laugh, and your heart is so genuine and lovely because you have completely surrendered to Christ. And one of my favorite things about you is that you can laugh and be crazy, but the next minute you'll be saying something wise and being God's messenger to someone.

I don't know if I ever officially met you. We just moved up through the youth group together and somehow, mostly this year but some of last year too, became friends. And now we're good friends. I never would've thought it would happen. But I'm so glad it did. I definitely put you together with a certain crowd in my mind, and I was amazed to find that what I'd imagined about you was so wrong. Because you actually care, and I don't know if they do. I really like that you have your own opinions of people and you like them all equally. It makes me happy to know that if, at any point, people decide they don't like me, you won't care. We'll still be friends. I'm smiling thinking about the different memories we share, and I know we'll still be friends even though our lives are now changing.

You're interesting. Often I don't know what to make of you. You have these random passions for pointless things, like certain bands or sports, but I don't know that you're really that passionate about God. And I don't know that you really care about your life either. I'm surprised when you don't plan for your future and let everything slide. Sometimes I feel like you're drowning, but you put on a front of surviving. I don't want to treat you like you're drowning, but sometimes everything in me wants to help you to...get a life. We used to be pretty close, and I still like you, but it's almost like I've grown up and you haven't. So I'll wait and I'll love you till you know what you're doing.

I used to think I hated you. I thought you ruined my life - and honestly, maybe you did. I did nothing to you, but one day you decided I was disposable and moved on. It took me awhile to do the same, and I know it hurt me a whole lot more than it hurt you. You affected my life and my future, though I didn't want to let you. And now you don't seem to remember any of it. But I don't hate you anymore. I decided to forgive you, though you don't care to apologize. And it's set me free because now I'm not defined by my past and by what happened anymore. Your life isn't all that happy, I know. I don't know how you'll turn out. But I'm praying for you, because with God's help...I love you.

What can I say about you that I haven't already said? I love you, so much. You are in so many ways an answer to my prayers. I've been friends with you for forever and I'm planning on staying friends with you the rest of forever. You love me unconditionally and encourage me more than anyone else in the world. Other people have best friends who come and go. But you stay. I'm so grateful for you.

You changed. Don't ask me how or why, but everything about you changed. And I didn't change with you, so you didn't have any use for me anymore. Because we didn't live in the same state anymore, it made it that much easier to drop me and leave me in your dust as you moved on with your life. I'm happy with mine, I wouldn't go back and change myself so we'd still be friends even if I could. Although you promised you were going to always be there for me, you weren't. Although you disdained other people for not caring, they've cared about me so much more than you have. Sometimes I worry about you, I think you'll change too much and go over some edge. Other times, I'm angry because all I can think is, "how could you do this to me?" And then I'm sad because I remember how you were there for me when I had no one else, and how good our friendship was in the beginning - and now it's over. I'm not going to push myself back into your life, because you so obviously don't want me there. A friend of mine told me it was your loss if you let go of my friendship. It doesn't feel like it, because I'm the one who cares about you and all the things - and people - you've thrown away, even though you don't want me to. But I'm glad that I'm not like you, because to be a person like you would be worse than being me and not having your friendship.

You're different than I thought you were. I don't know if it's a good thing or a bad thing. But I liked certain things about you, and some of them aren't as they seemed. You're still, as a whole, an wonderful person. But there are just a few things I don't know how long it will take me to get over. I used to think you were a dream come true, and maybe you are. Maybe I just have to come face to face with the reality that no one's ever perfect, and you really were the best. But maybe there's someone else out there for me who's different. Either way, I'm sure I'll find out.

I don't really have strong feelings about you. You're nice, and I like you a lot, but we've never been super close. If you cared, I could be good friends with you. But I'm never quite sure if you like me or not, and you already have a best friend so you're not looking for anyone else. I've tried before, but you've never really reciprocated. I've noticed how much you've grown the past couple years, and I know how much you care about God. That makes me smile. And I know that whether or not we're ever good friends, you'll always be passionate about the gospel and your life will always shine brightly for Christ.